Grief.

As I type this, my dog, Lukas, is asleep under my desk with his paw on my foot. I love the warmth and the connection that brings me. Especially today as I learned a few hours ago that my Uncle passed away unexpectedly.

We had a large family wedding last weekend in Ohio where my extended family is from. My Uncle wasn’t able to attend because at the last minute, the restaurant he owns and runs with his wife - my Aunt - was short-staffed. Because the wedding was for My Aunt’s side of their family, he stayed behind to manage the restaurant. Only my Aunt and one of her four children, were able to be there.

It was good to see them. I’m named after my Aunt so she’s always been special to me. And while I am one of 23 cousins - I only really know about half of them because we span in age from 54 to early 30’s. And I didn’t grow up in Ohio so I missed a lot of family gatherings where the younger cousins would be. But, this cousin who was able to attend with her mom - we keep in touch on Facebook. And even though she’s much younger than me - I always find we have some similar interests. I love my extended family and I always look forward to getting together.

Knowing that one of us is no longer here though - that’s hard. Especially knowing that my Aunt and my cousins are dazed and sad and lost. I had hugged them both so many times last weekend - I wish I could hug them again right now.

I read recently that grief is a sign that you have loved deeply. I know this to be true - particularly of the animals that have been in my life and are with me in-spirit. I loved them so much!

It was the animals - and my grief at their passing - that led me to be a Soul Level Animal Communicator.® While I worked with animal communicators as my dogs were transitioning, nothing prepared me for the grief that floored me when Bono - the last of the Pack - crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I sunk into a deep depression that left me in bed every weekend for months and lethargic at my desk at work. So many people told me, “it’s just a dog.” (BTW - never the right thing to say). Those words deepened my depression because not only did I grieve for my dogs, but I beat myself up for doing so. (this is where Soul Level Intuitive Coaching® can step in to help.)

Then, during a session with a healer friend of mine, my in-spirit Pack appeared. They held, in their paws a black and white puppy and told my friend to let me know that a new dog had been chosen and would find his way to me. (turned out to be Lukas!) She had also told me that I needed to pursue intuitive work and help others hear from their animals - both alive and in-spirit. In fact, Bono said “be their voice.”

Everyday, I miss all of my in-spirt animals, my Grandmother, and other relatives who have passed. And almost everyday I get a sign from different ones that they are here and helping me with something - or just sending love. The signs can be as simple as a wind chime blowing without any wind (that’s India), a Facebook memory like the one I received today (see below - the pups are telling me to smile like I am in that picture) or discovering a Blue Jay feather on the walk I took after hearing my Uncle B.J. passed. And - just now a male and female cardinal landed right outside my window and made sure I saw them. (Hi Indy, B and Grandma - I see you - thank you!)

I know and believe that our loved ones never really leave us. And I know the pain of grief is very, very real. For me, finding meaning in the signs that they are still here, provides me with some stability throughout the process. And that allows me to take one tiny step onward.

India and Bono love to send me Facebook Memories to support me from across the Rainbow Bridge. Today - they just want me to smile and laugh that that silly looking hat I had.