Breaking Down to Grow
This year, Spring has been more challenging for me than usual. I feel like I’m in a fog half the time - trying to figure out how to spend my time, where I should put my energy, and wondering if I have any energy at all?
In talking with my Guides this whole month, their advice was first to do nothing. Just rest, and focus on how much time I spend “doing” something, anything instead of being still. If I went still and did nothing, they said, I could hear what I want truly wanted to be doing for myself.
As I began to practice stillness, my Guides were encouraging me to meditate more. So I increased my daily meditation and spiritual study time, so much so that I felt I was slacking in getting things done! To this, they answered “let go.” And I thought “I have bills to pay! What do I do to get the money to pay for the new furnace we didn’t intend on installing so soon?” They answered with their next lesson “trust.”
I tried and tried and tried some more. Along the way, I would beat myself up for not doing things as fast as thought I should be! When reality is right there and you and your ego have conditioned responses to navigate life for so long - embracing stillness, letting go of worries around finances and stepping into a place of trust - that’s a challenge! A challenge that requires a lot of unpacking. No wonder my brain has felt like it’s been in a fog!
And then it hit me - on the walk today - I looked down and saw this huge leaf in my path. It was in the spot it landed in the Fall and now, that the snow is melted, it’s breaking down. My Guides whispered my ear, “See? It’s breaking down so it can be something new. That is what you are doing too.”
Ah-ha! I get it! My busyness was keeping me from looking at and dealing with what needed to break down - which were behaviors (aka Work Arounds in Soul Level Intuitive Coaching®) that were shielding me from a Negative Belief (this time, I have been working on both Not Worthy and Not Love-able!) I have about myself (also a component of “SLIC.) I needed to be still and quiet to allow the process to begin so I could hear, see, and feel behaviors that were no longer serving me as I grew into believing that I Am indeed Love-able. As I became aware of those behaviors, I was able to let go of them. And when I got stuck on a few of them, I had to trust that new ways of being in this world were available to me, I just had to allow them to transpire.
I know I’m not done yet, breaking down. However, new things are already growing (like this post!) and more shifts in my outlook are in the works. It took a while to get here and with the work invested (by doing nothing and being still! LOL) I know what I want to do and I feel the energy already pulling me toward it!
We all go through phases of “breaking down.” They are necessary for us to grow.