Be the Tree.
I’ve recently moved to a new town and state - 3,500 miles away from where I used to live at the base of the Chugach Mountains in Anchorage, Alaska. I’m now in a small town in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan - home to only 1,825 people.
While I was raised, for the most part, in Michigan, it was in the “mitten” part, not in this northern most strip of land. So this is “home,” but yet, all new and different.
Now that I’m here and the last of the road dust has fallen away, I’m homesick for the mountains, the wide-open spaces and the familiar trails where Lukas could run safely despite the occasional moose. I had a support network for me, my husband and Lukas. Now, we’re having to build a new one. Some services I relied on in Alaska are not available here and I’m having to be resourceful. That is giving me an opportunity to ask “Do I really need this? Can I handle it in a different way?” It is so scary to let go of the guardrails I had in place for protection and security and find new - and be open to - improved ones. When I get fearful, I tell myself to keep a stiff upper lip and power through. Heck, I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again. But I’m left feeling more anxious, frustrated and tired.
Every morning, my guides remind me in my meditation that I am still in-transition. I hear them, agree with them even. And about an hour or so afterwards, I forget that message and get to work unpacking, tending to clients, forcing some sort of stability. Now, six weeks have passed since leaving Alaska, and I feel more ungrounded and rudderless than before. I’m trying, really, really hard to be unpacked, organized, in-a-routine….. anything… but it’s not working.
And still, throughout this whole time, every morning, my guides and the animals give a variation on the same theme - “one step at a time” or “take care of yourself first.” Again, I think “oh yeah, I’m doing that, yay me.” Then I bend over another box or haul stuff upstairs and continue to think that once the chores are done, I will then have time to write, take longer walks with Lukas, do better grocery shopping.
Wrong. I don’t get to any of the fun things. I’m exhausted and grumpy. And my to-do list fills with all the things I think I need to do.
Yesterday, my guides took a stronger tone with me. “STOP. Now - just stop. You are pushing too hard for what you want to happen. You have to trust us with the plan and have faith in the timing of how it will come to be. Until you let go, take care of yourself, and let the flow flow you will be in pain.”
They showed me a picture of this huge pine tree that is in our neighbors’ backyard that is waddling into ours. When I first laid eyes on this Mother Tree I was gobsmacked. I could feel an immediate connection to her and told her she was beautiful. Since being here, I have been trying to take a few minutes every day to admire her massive trunk and long beautiful limbs that hold these huge boughs of needles.
That image from my guides got my attention.
They continued, “You need to be like this tree. This tree is strong, grounded and present. And it took her time to be this way. It will take time for you to settle as well. Her taproot runs right under your house and is connected to the water in the lake and tied to the earth. Work with her to begin to set your taproot. Her branches support the birds and move the wind through the air. Through your grounded taproot, you, too will be able to flow with the breeze and house the birds. You need to embrace her, be like her - grounded at the base, connected to our surroundings and flexible at the top.”
I finally, truly, hear what they have to say- and I can feel her comfort me. I AM pushing too hard. I AM trying to determine and control my own surroundings instead of going with the flow. I AM putting last what makes me happy each day. It finally sinks in that only when I am happy will things begin to move with ease; the pieces falling quietly into place. I need to follow the universe’s lead, not my own. Be the tree.
Luckily, I only had a few appointments yesterday and a clear day today. I was able to spend the free time taking care of smaller tasks that made me happy to accomplish them. I was able to write, read and take a longer walk with Lukas. As I meditated this morning, I could feel the inkling of my taproot start to grow. I received a message that I’ve taken action on the assistance I have been provided and the ball is rolling. I heard the tree say, “take a picture of me and write about this.” I went outside and took this picture of her. I thanked her for her wisdom and for being a part of my guide team. I hear her say as I write this all down, “Girl, you’ve got this.” I feel her take my hand and my taproot sinks just a bit more into the Earth.
The beautiful Mother Tree in my back yard. Isn’t she glorious?