For the Wolf
Wolves hold a special place in my heart. They are mystical, misunderstood and magnificent. They have filled my imagination and curiosity throughout my entire life. In fact, my childhood copy of “Julie of the Wolves” is a prized possession.
There is a well-known wolf who passed away in 2020 that is especially dear to me. She was a tough, old alpha female. A “bad-ass,” a friend of mine who follows wolves called her. This wolf’s mother was also a bad-ass. The stories my friend told me about both mother and daughter made us laugh while appreciating their strength and tenacity.
This wolf lived the last part of her life alone. Most of her pack had been killed in inter-pack fighting, which is the most common cause of death in wolves. However, she survived the battles, albeit scarred and broken. But she survived.
Until last Spring - Spring 2020. We believe she was almost 10 - which is ancient for a wolf. Initial reports were that she “succumbed to her injuries.” Understanding how controversial wolves are to humans, I knew discovering truth would be hard to do. In fact, I heard conflicting stories from everyone I asked who supposedly “knew.” And yet, this wolf persisted in my mind. I kept thinking of her, I couldn’t let her go. So, I did what any intuitive would do, I went to her and asked her what happened.
She showed me things that corroborated some of the details I had learned about her last few months on earth. But then I heard her say “surrender” and felt my body completely relax . I felt like I was floating in water - as if, after jumping in, I had floated up onto my back in a calm lake with no one around. My ears perceived a quiet, similar to being submerged. I continued to float as I heard her repeat “surrender.” Then she released my connection. I sent her gratitude and love while I sat in her lingering presence. I felt very much at peace - not at all how her end-of-life had been described.
A few days after my connection to the wolf, I ran into the friend I mentioned earlier in this post. I was surprised to learn that she had actually found and recovered this wolf’s body for biologists to study further. My friend said that, based on physical evidence and eye-witness accounts, “our” wolf drowned herself in an effort to escape the ongoing harassment by humans who had been pursuing her. My friend said “a bad-ass to the end, she wasn’t about to let anyone take her that didn’t pay her the respect she demanded.”
As she relaying this information to me, I felt my body vibrate as it does when messages resonate. I could feel the wolf acknowledging my friends story while also sharing with me that she was at peace.
How I like to picture the wolf before she died. Photo by David Tostado on Unsplash