This Black Bear’s Message

Nika is barking. Urgently barking. The malamute at my friend’s house is, well, usually mute. Not now, however. “Get up here NOW!” she bellows.

I threw back the blankets and yelled at my husband “Come on! Something is outside!” and bolted up the stairs.

Sure enough, slowly, circling the house was this gorgeous black bear boar.

As we watched him, safely, from the second floor of the house, I quietly asked him if he had a message for me. He answered, “dear, you need to let go of that burden you are carrying. When you lighten your load, you will be able to reach higher than you currently imagine.”

Oof.

That hit home so hard right in my sternum, I nearly stopped breathing.

Earlier that day, I had arrived in Anchorage from a several-day meeting in Fairbanks. I I had been dreading this meeting for months. And, while it went better than I feared, it didn’t go as well as I had hoped. I had, in fact, started wrestling with quitting the group altogether. My dog Lukas and my Guides had been telling me to let go for months. I even had a personal coach along with many friends who justified my leaving. Everyone pointed out to me that my job - to lay the groundwork for new ways of operating the world - was complete. Seeing it all the way through to fruition was not part of the deal. That, however, was really hard for me to accept.

I just couldn’t let go. Because I thought this was my last “corporate” chance to prove my worthiness of being a leader. (heavy sigh as I type this…)

All throughout my advertising career, I had experienced similar situations. I would be hired to bring in fresh air with new visions, new processes, new styles of collaboration. Every time, as soon as the change would begin to take hold, a few people would not only drag their feet, but actively work to sabotage it. I would exhaust myself trying to get people to join the movement, see the vision, play with the changes. All that would happen, instead was a stressed-out, burned-out and frustrated me.

Looking back, I realize those moments were signs of when my work was actually complete. I ignored them all because I kept thinking I had to prove my worthiness at being a leader; I needed to make it all work, do more to make it better, be the peacemaker who solved all the crises. (more about the peacemaker role in coming posts) And here I was again, repeating the same pattern; torn between diving back into the thick of it with brand new awesome methods designed to soothe the detractors or just let-the-f*%$-go.

This time, I listened to the bear.